There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. Suffice it to say I got cut off when she started affairs with 3 other guys. I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. I cant stop thinking about it. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. Its not that hes a bad person hes not but at this point hes kind of like a zombie. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Reality, we can go easy one yr without sex, he doesnt touch me,nada! Married 30 years now. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. I am male. If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. She wants no part of it. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. You cant really blame her, can you? So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. There are many men, myself included, who desire far more than just a quick physical release, and who see their wife as a partner in a shared loving experience, not a living sex toy to use and the put away once satisfied. Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. Im a 66 year old man whos been in a sexless marriage for 33 years. None of us know how to read, converse or think. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. WFT. I heard my uncles talk about sex like it was something from their youth that has long gone. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. No way not ever. I work part time at a day care and I find that when I havent gotten sleep the night before, my patience with the kids is really tested. Both men and women lose sex drives some times, but with proper nutrition and exercise etc it can be reclaimed. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. The two C words! 16 years being married. 3. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. I set up a Revenge cheat. I dont know why your husband would even want to be intimate with you, you sound like a harpy. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. I can literally be ready with just a thought. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. Im in ok shape, not overweight . Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. What to do about it: Don't jump to conclusions. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Just arent attracted to him anymore? Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. We still talk, but thats it. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. I am familiar with all of this and I kept silent for a very long time. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. Brilliant. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. It literally changed our lives. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. Id be interested to find out your age. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. We now live in a society that it is selfish or disrespectful for a man to insist or ask for sex. I just dont understand. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. I hear ya Jose! No doubt youre frustrated. No intimacy!!! When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. To send your questions directly to Joan, email Good points you made for sure. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. I was her first love. I dont care what age this happens to a man, somehow the blame goes to the woman for not looking her best,gaining weight, busy with the kids, not willing to give oral sex and the list goes on and on. Does your wife struggle with self-love? Frustrated. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. Men are not mind readers. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . I want that back in my life as well! I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. Just curious. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. If you are not. When was the last time you went out on a date together? Regards Glenn. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. My wife is 61 and Im 57. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. My hubby is one happy camper. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Been there, done that. 19. Hello Overit, He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. If you put her down and belittle her confidence, you cant hide behind something like, My wife rejects me all the time, she adds. gemini lounge haunted,

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my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore